dankpelt said what

Reading this means you're at least smart enough to go down to Kentucky, show them fire, and be their god.

6.22.2004

New Wave Drinks

Conspiracy theory for the day - NEW COKE



The diabolical plan: put out this stuff called New Coke, stop making Old Coke, which at the time was just known as Coke, or "pop." ("Soda," to people outside the state of Michigan. Fuck those people outside the state of Michigan - I throw Canadian change at them when I see them and yell, "This is how we play it in Mittenland, bitch! Now get me a Faygo!") Where was I? Oh yeah, bring out New Coke, stop making Old Coke. Let this slide for a couple months to much public outcry that New Coke "sucks," or that it "tastes like donkey piss." Bring back Old Coke acting like you're responding to the public's outcry, when in fact all you were doing is waiting to drum up a huge public demand for it (Americans ALWAYS want what they can't have) and repackaging it in bottles that now say "Coca-Cola Classic." Make millions. Fuck interns and take photos. Open a Coca-Cola themed store-thing in Las Vegas.
(Thanks and apologies to Shannon - I had so much fun writing this to you, I had to share.)

7 Comments:

  • At 10:49 AM, Blogger CopperTopp said…

    didn't they learn their lesson with the clear cola's? I mean if those didn't taste like piss, then I've never tasted piss. Anyway, is this the carb coke, cause they better not ditch coke for "carb crap coke." I weigh three pounds, and I don't need to watch my fucking carbs, as Nuttsy would say, You can eat a plate of bacon but you can't eat a fucking apple because its GOT FUCKING CARBS. FUCK CARBS AND THE HORSE THEY RODE IN ON!

     
  • At 1:43 PM, Blogger butmyballsitch said…

    Copperneeds to learn how to spell.

     
  • At 4:00 PM, Blogger CopperTopp said…

    itchy balls needs a new space bar

     
  • At 2:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    From the used book section on amazon:

    Comments: You'll swear its brand new. Paperback book. It does have puke kit. It would make a great gift.

    A great gift? To your pet owl maybe.

     
  • At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ^that was suppoed to post under the owl puke^

     
  • At 2:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    this is why i hate blogs

     
  • At 2:38 PM, Blogger dank said…

    In Soviet Russia, Blog hate YOU!

     

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