dankpelt said what

Reading this means you're at least smart enough to go down to Kentucky, show them fire, and be their god.

11.07.2004

The Quest For Syrup, Interlude - Mucilage FAQ

*author's note: please read THIS post first if you want this to make sense. Well, if you want it to make "Dan sense."



MUCILAGE FAQ v1.0

  • Q: What the fuck is Mucilage?
  • A: Glue that resembles (and God-willing, tastes like) delicious syrup.
  • Q: Delicious syrup? What the fuck?
  • A: I don't know, just let me run with this. You never buy me nice things anymore!
  • Q: Did you ever find this mucilage at Meijer?
  • A: Sadly, no.
  • Q: Why don't you just order the mucilage online, where it seems readily available?
  • A: I can't handle waiting. I want to go to a place of retail, give someone currency, they give me delicious syrup in exchange. Then, I taste it.
  • Q: Isn't what you're doing right now taking longer than just ordering it online?
  • A: One thing to keep in mind is that, you know, you're not the boss of me.
  • Q: You said you were emotionally crippled or something? Like your ego had gone into remission? Damn.
  • A: Indeed, but a combination of things has happened fairly recently to make that do a 180 - I feel better than I have in a very long time. "Big ups" to the healing power of time, and the person responsible for the rest. You know who you are.
  • Q: You ate fucking paste in High School?
  • A: Yeah, sure did. One thing to bear in mind is that I'm a jackass, and the whole "doing it for Science" excuse roughly translates into "I did it to make my U.S. History class laugh." And it worked. The deal is, I knew paste-eaters in Elementary School, they were an odd sort. The sort that may start crying suddenly and bolt out of class, the back of their sweatpants looking like there's a brick inside, swinging to and fro with each "I-just-shit-my-sweatpants"-induced shameful stride. Sorry, Randy. I wasn't a paste-eater. One day in this class, I saw one of those big, industrial-size vats of paste that a teacher would use to refill the smaller bottles, and curiousity overtook. What was the allure? I mean, paste is pleasant-smelling enough, but it didn't smell like it tasted good... but whatever. I made a big production out of explaining to the class my reasons for doing so, then took a large quantity on my fingertips and shoved that shit in my mouth. It was much like you would expect paste to be: cold, kinda slimy, and with very little definable flavor. For the record, I didn't swallow.
  • Q: So... you really intend to... eat (drink?) this mucilage?
  • A: You bet yer sweet ass, I do. For Science!
  • Q: Do you really, um, kill hobos?
  • A: No! That would be fuckin crazy! I just do normal stuff like dwell on what mucilage tastes like.

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