dankpelt said what

Reading this means you're at least smart enough to go down to Kentucky, show them fire, and be their god.


Times Change, People Don't

Per my usual morning routine, I bolted awake from what may have been the most comfortable sleep ever (at least since Friday, the last time I had to wake up for work), gasping at the cool morning air in my room, a dreadful certainty flooding through my every damn fiber: I'm late. I'M LATE! With bleary eyes, I stumbled from my bed, half-falling/half-leaping into my wall. Ow. No matter, I'm like a fuckin tranq'ed rhino when I start awake like this, and there is only one thing that concerns me - I'm late! Through the morning haze on my eyeballs, I frantically looked down at my watch: it looks like it's... 7... no. 8... 35. Ok, if I get my clothes on and leave right now, I might be able to make it in at the regularly scheduled time for me, 9 am. Grimly determined, I slid my pants on and fumbled for some socks. (You can guess what comes after this, I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say I was fully clothed at the end of this flurry of activity.) Now clothed, I gathered up my few things I needed (wallet, keys, id badge that allows me into the place I work, red light on a black panel turning green and glaring balefully at me as I prove my right to gain access to rows of depressed people sitting forlornly in cubicles) and started out the door. Ride to work was like always, cold at first and just getting comfortably warm as I pulled in the parking lot of the blue neon monolith I work in. As I entered the lot, I could see something was amiss - the lot was empty. Hopeful thoughts raced through my mind - snow day? No, no snow has fallen yet this year, and I'm not entirely sure how often they "cancel work" due to snow. Nonetheless, this still occured to me as a slim yet wonderful possibility. Bomb threat? Nah, I spy with my blurry eyes nobody congregated in the lot, "waiting it out," as it were, and besides that, if it were a bomb threat, I'd probably still see some cars. Then, it dawned on me - the time changed this weekend. A smug smile began to creep across my face as I thought with a bemused wonder, "Did everyone forget to come in at the right time because of the time change?" Then, almost as soon as the superior feeling came to me, it faded. "Lefty loosey," I thought. "Righty tighty. Spring forward, fall back." Fuck. It's 8. I'm an hour early to work. Note to self: changing every clock in the house except the one you wake up to and the watch you wore to bed could lead to some early-morning confusion. Live and learn, or so they say. For the record, I used the time wisely - paid a visit to Big Apple Bagel for a large mocha and - you guessed it! A bagel. Additionally, I used this precious time to try to figure out what to do about this Mucilage situation. More on that later - MUCH more.


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