dankpelt said what

Reading this means you're at least smart enough to go down to Kentucky, show them fire, and be their god.


Writer's Block Is The Debbil -OR- Spreading Wetness, Shame, And Dark Visions Of The Future

current mood: annoyed

One thing that I would certainly say bothers me about LiveJournal is the people. Matt touched on the subject of a couple people's blogs on his blog (to hilarious effect) recently. The catchy thing about the passages he quoted was that shallow, petty-ass quality that they had to them... I thought it was just the authors in question, and their respective personalities that made the entries so delightfully plastic, but some rooting around through the murky depths of LiveJournal revealed something more sinister: it's pretty much everyone that blogs on LJ that sucks, not just a small cross-section. For those not in the know, LiveJournal is a free internet blogging service, much like the aptly-named "Blogger" that I use to make this (sometimes really bad!) site you're reading right now. Some might be asking, "WHY! Why, Dan... why do you think this?" Ok, let me tell you:
  1. The fucking mood indicator that prefaces each post people make. Are you that fucking vapid that you need a fucking smiley face or a frowny face to let the reader know how you felt when you wrote what they're reading? It would seem that just, I dunno, writing might help you express your mood. Like this post, for example - it's clear that I'm annoyed. Did I need to steal that cute "annoyed" indicator from LiveJournal to let you people know that? Yes, to emphasize how stupid it is. And if there's anybody that can emphasize stupid, it's me! Aww, now I think I need to change my mood indicator to something frowny; it's never easy to realize that you can make dumb shit more dumb with little effort.
  2. This site: http://www.livejournal.com/users/__scratchnsniff/
    For those who don't wanna follow the link, here's a sample post:
    [ mood guilty ]

    So Franky and I pretty much broke up. I'm upset but I've cried so many tears over him already that I no longer have anymore tears to shed.

    My manager is a complete ignoramous. I was supposed to get out of work @ 7 today but she asked me if I could close up, which means I'd only get out of work around 9ish. So, I told her that I couldn't and she started to bug out. It's like, uhhh hello bitch I have plans, my life doesn't revolve around this damn clothing store, I'm so sorry that yours does. So I told her that the latest I would stay would be until 8. At exactly 7:30 I called her over and told her to close out my register, if I didn't ask her to, she would just pretend to "forget" so I would close up. I made sure she fuckin remembered.

    On my way out of work she stopped me by the doors and asked me if I could work tomorrow. UHHHHHHH of course I can't. It's my fuckin day off you bizerco barbie doll. She pisses me off, can you tell?? I'm sure you can.

    I'm gonna go smoke a blunt now. I keeps it ghetto. I can't smoke joints or out of a pipe/bong. I need a good 'ole fat blunt.
    I'm still trying to figure out if that shit is for real, or a parody of what I hate in people. Scarily enough, I'm pretty sure it's real. This is pretty consistent with what I was turning up while poking around LJ, try for yourself and see. Just don't do it at work, I think one site had a picture of a chick stuffing frozen hot dogs into a donkey's ass.

Some questions are forming now for you, I can sense it. Which is pretty cool, because I probably wrote this like 12 hours before you started to read it. I have had this gift (sometimes it's a curse!) of sight into the future ever since my cat peed on the microwave when I was making a Hot Pocket and talking on the phone. Now, whenever I smell urine or Hot Pockets, I piss myself and see stuff from the future... which is weird becase even if a Hot Pocket's scent triggers the visions, the urine smell (from, you know, soiling myself) makes me keep having these (sometimes sinister!) visions of the future until my pants dry. Or so the script for my pilot goes. Sill waiting to hear back, FOX, you bastards! Any network that broadcasts shows like Trading Spouses, that features (no shit) 2 wives swapping families for a set timeframe, while it is filmed for America to watch eagerly while eating cheese-filled French Fries wrapped in bacon, praising Jesus that Bush is still in office, can certainly green-light my pilot about my (sometimes dark!) gift. I mean, for fuck's sake, I'm pretty sure they had a show on a while back called When Animal-Loving Midgets Attack Fat Asthmatic Children With Ferrets. Or something really similar to that, I don't know - I don't watch TV. But I heard from my idiot coworker that it was a sight to behold, those stumpy midget arms pinwheeling furiously, ferret merely a sinister blur of fur... fat kid with the inhaler never knew what hit him. Amazing television. Isn't it all, though? On the subject of FOX, let's beat the dead horse that is FOX News... did you know that the majority of the people that reelected Bush get all their news from this Satanic ass basket (I don't know what that is either) of doom? True story! Check out the article. And after you do that, check out the hilarious campaign commercial parody Will Ferrell did just before the election: http://kintera.sitestream.com/ferrell_qt_hi.mov yes, that is in QuickTime format, for Windows Media, visit the main site HERE. Come to think of it, check out the main site anyway, some good stuff going on there. Incidentally, big thanks to Adam for tipping me off to this comedic gem.

Holy shit, for having witer's block, this has been a fairly long post. I apologize. By way of peace offering, I now show you 2 rhinos copulating while a smaller rhino watches. Naughty!

Yeah, I keeps it ghetto. Gotta go for now, I think I smell a Hot Pocket cooking.


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