dankpelt said what

Reading this means you're at least smart enough to go down to Kentucky, show them fire, and be their god.


Yes, the rumors are true - I have indeed acquired a small bottle of Delicious Syrup, aka Mucilage. (Thank you Danielle!) I will absolutely be drinking this mucilage for the benefit of science and mankind as a whole… but not yet. Not quite yet. Isn’t everything better if you wait?

That was rhetorical. Everything is better if you wait. Well, except for disposing of the hobo you savagely murdered last night - that shit starts to stink fairly quick… and to be honest, the neighbors are starting to talk. Be sure to run bleach through your pipes after you clean up. What all this means is I’ll be drinking the delicious syrup in due time, worry ye not. In the meantime, I’m slightly bored at work.

Upon expressing my boredom, someone said, “Hey! If you’re bored, why not write some Haikus?”

I promptly replied, “Because I have no theme! I wouldn’t know where to begin!”

They said, “Well, how about some nice Haikus about love? It’s a universal subject, and the Haiku’s natural beautiful structure always brings out the best in words.”

I was all like, “Are you talking to the right person? I don’t even know what the fuck a Haiku is, roflcopters.”

Then they were all, “You fucking liar, you know what a Haiku is. Write some of them or else you get the hose.”

As I rubbed the lotion on my skin, shivering and weeping, I mulled over the subject: love. It truly IS universal and beautiful. And something I know so much about. Without further adieu, I present you with… my timeless 5/7/5-structured lines about… love. Enjoy!

They say she’s too young
I say damn it all - there’s grass
on the field - play ball!

I once loved you so
Now, alas - you blew my friend Joe
Give back my shit, ho

Undying love blooms
Like my pustulating sores
Genitals on fire

Looking in from here
Does she know I’m there? Damn! Yes.
Restraining order

Those were the days, lady
your lips touched like butterflies
I’ll get a towel

Eagerly we go
Third time? fourth? I’m lost in love
Air in there - poot poot

Delicate touches
you wake, he flees quietly
smelling his finger


  • At 6:54 PM, Anonymous Shrewzilla said…

    i beat you to it. I (unknowingly at first) drank some mucilage. And i hate to ruin your cred but its not some disgusting glue-y substance... its perfectly edible marshmallow root. Good thing no one reads this : )

    P.S. It was taaasteee!1!!


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